Right now everything is on fire.
Maybe your partner just found out. Maybe you're still carrying it alone. Maybe you keep telling him more details compulsively, hoping it will make the guilt stop. But it never does. Maybe you've been white-knuckling your way through the days for weeks and the weight of it is getting heavier, not lighter.
You want to fix it. Fix yourself. Fix what you've done. Fix the look on his face.
But you can't think straight. You can't sleep. You can't stop the spiral.
And you have nobody safe to talk to about any of it.
Here's what I want you to know right now, before anything else:
You are not a terrible person. And there is a way through this.
The Sanctuary is where that begins.
The Sanctuary is not therapy or a course.
It's emergency scaffolding for the woman whose world just blew apart and needs somewhere to land before she can do anything else.
Because until the spiral stops, nothing works. Not the conversations. Not the apologies. Not the trying harder.
Stop the bleeding first. Everything else comes after.
Join the sanctuaryIs this space for me?
If your affair is over and you're still in the wreckage - this is for you.
Even if it's only been days. Even if you're still trying to save your relationship. Even if you already have a therapist, even if a group terrifies you, even if some part of you isn't sure you deserve support after what you did.
Especially then.
I built The Sanctuary because when I was exactly where you are — lost, ashamed, completely alone with it — this is what I needed most.
And it didn't exist.
It does now.
You just have to be tired enough to try something different.
This is where you start.
join the sanctuary
What's Included
The Softening Sessions
Right now you believe something about yourself that isn't true - that you are a monster and you deserve to suffer for what you've done.
That belief is the thing that's keeping you stuck. It's what's driving the spiral, the guilt, the compulsive truth-telling, the inability to sleep.
Once a month we go directly to the part of you that believes it and start to show her that she is not bad.
This is where the noise in your mind starts to quieten and you can hear yourself think for the first time in a long time.
The Gathering
Once a month we meet for 90 minutes - you and a small group of women who are carrying their own version of this. Women who won't judge you. Who won't flinch at the thing you haven't been able to say yet.
For most women this is the first room they've walked into since this happened where they stopped feeling like the worst person in it.
I am there to coach you through whatever you're navigating in the moment. You can share or just listen.
Nothing is recorded. What's said here stays here.
The Private Library
Inside you'll find practices, teachings and guided audio created specifically for the moments that are hardest to navigate alone:
Things made for exactly the experience you are in. Not generic meditations, or nervous system regulation tools.
This is to help you breathe again, for you to settle your body, for you to find some inner peace in the exact situation you are in.
The Sisterhood
A community telegram group where you can say what's actually happening without tidying it up first. Without making it sound reasonable. Without managing anyone's reaction.
You'll read a message from another woman and think I thought I was the only one who felt that way. You'll type something out and feel lighter just from saying it.
You don't have to carry it in silence here.
The Sanctuary Private Podcast
Every other week I record a private podcast episode - just for the women inside The Sanctuary. Where you can ask a question you can't ask anyone else. Every other week I choose one and respond to it in the way I'd speak to you if we were sitting across from each other.
For the moments when you need a voice that gets it, this is that voice.
Guest Sessions & Special Workshops
Because some parts of this are too big for one person to hold alone.
A few times a year I bring in someone I genuinely trust - an expert in an area that keeps coming up for the women inside. Money after a relationship breakdown. Grief that feels so big we don't know where to put it. Self-worth. Single motherhood. The bigger questions that surface when your whole life feels like it's been turned upside down.
"Every morning your voice was guiding me in saying you are not a monster."
~June
The longer you wait, the harder it gets.
You already know that thinking about it more isn't helping. That keeping busy isn't working. That carrying this is exhausting in a way that no-one else understands.
And the longer you wait to be supported, the harder it becomes to ask for it.
You can either wait and hope that with time this gets easier, or make a move today so that in 3 months time things feel less heavy, and you're making progress towards finally feeling normal again.
Remember: you deserve to heal too.
As Featured In
Price of The Sanctuary
£97 a month. Three month minimum. Cancel anytime after that.
Two live calls every month
The private library between sessions
The sisterhood circle to ride alongside you
The private podcast to ask what you don't dare say out loud to anyone else.
We meet on the second and fourth Thursday of every month at 8pm BST.
This is where you start.
Join the Sanctuary"...Alex is the most compassionate and skilled space holder I’ve ever worked with. She helps us navigate the most vulnerable and hurt parts of ourselves with love, honesty, and complete non-judgment... There is no one doing this work like Alex — if you’re recovering from an affair, it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself."
~Maya
F.A.Q.s
I’m working with a therapist – can The Sanctuary help me?
Yes. Many women are doing both. The two spaces really support each other and feel very different.
Do I have to speak or have my camera on?
No. You never have to speak or turn your camera on.
There’s no pressure here. You decide how you show up, every time.
Can I join if I am still in the affair?
If the affair is over but everything else is still raw and unresolved - you belong here.
If you are still in the affair then my podcast is a good place to start. There's a lot there for you right now.
How long does The Sanctuary last?
The minimum is three months.
After that, you stay for as long as it feels right. Some women stay for a few months. Some stay much longer. There's no pressure either way.
I am scared of people finding out. Is this totally confidential?
Yes. Completely.
Nothing is ever recorded. No replays, no recordings sitting somewhere, no risk of something being shared outside the space. What happens in the room stays in the room, always.
Will I have access to you?
Yes. I personally host both live calls each month, so you’ll be in direct space with me in real time.
Each week, I record a private podcast responding to what feels most alive and relevant for the group as a whole.
What if I'm still obsessed with my affair partner even though it's over?
That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, and it doesn’t disqualify you from being here.
The Sanctuary is a place where that can be met, without shame or pressure to “move on.” You don’t have to be over anything to belong here.
What if I’m not in a relationship anymore?
The Sanctuary isn't about fixing or saving a relationship. It's about being supported as you find your footing again - especially as your world as you know it has shattered.
There's no pressure to have any of it figured out.
What if I feel ready for deeper work?
Then The Healed Heart is probably calling you.
If you're at the point where the spirals are less, you are feeling steadier on your feet - but still feel lost and confused how you got here and who you are now - and you're ready to actually change the patterns from the root so this never happens again - that's exactly what The Healed Heart is for.
Find out more about the healed heart
Will the calls be recorded?
No. Nothing inside The Sanctuary is ever recorded.
The women who show up here are sharing things they've never said out loud to anyone. That deserves a space that feels completely private and contained.
About Alex
I know what it's like to wake up every morning and feel it sitting on your chest before you've even opened your eyes.
To feel like what you did makes you fundamentally different from everyone around you. Wrong somehow, at your core.
I was that woman. Years ago I was the one who cheated. And my world burned down around me.
What I eventually came to understand — and what I want you to hear right now — is that the affair wasn't who I was. It was a breaking point.
That understanding didn't come from thinking about it more. It came from finally having the right support at the right moment.
That's why I built The Sanctuary. Because I wish it had existed when I needed it most.
