ep 56: When You’re Doing the Healing… and He Isn’t

One of the hardest parts of the aftermath of an affair is feeling like you’re the only one doing the work.

You’re reading the books. Listening to the podcasts. Going to therapy. Reflecting. Trying to understand yourself. Trying to repair what happened.

And he might still be angry or shut down, overwhelmed or frozen. Or simply not ready to do that work with you yet.

And yes, he is allowed to feel what he feels, but that does not mean you have to stop having needs too.

In this episode, I’m talking about what happens when you feel like you’re carrying the healing of the relationship on your own, and the resentment, guilt and exhaustion that can start to build underneath that.

We talk about:

• Why this dynamic can happen after an affair

• Why doing all the emotional work alone can leave you exhausted and resentful

• How to ask for what you need without blaming him or immediately collapsing into guilt

• When couples therapy or coaching can help, and what to do if your partner isn’t ready

• Why his pain does not mean you have to abandon yourself again

• How to begin recognising the old patterns that can keep you silent, easy-going and carrying everything

This is not about forcing your partner to heal on your timeline, and it is not about avoiding responsibility for the pain your affair caused.

It is about recognising that repair cannot mean disappearing inside your guilt and deciding you no longer get to have needs, wants, feelings or a voice.

You are allowed to want support.

You are allowed to want honest conversations.

And you are allowed to want a relationship where both of you are willing to look at what needs to change.

If you’ve been asking yourself:

“Why does this feel so heavy?” “Am I asking for too much?” “Why am I starting to feel resentful when I’m the one who caused this?” “What happens if I keep carrying all of this alone?”

This episode is for you.

Want to understand what’s underneath all of this?

If listening to this makes you realise there are still things beneath your affair that you don’t fully understand, that’s exactly what we’re going to begin exploring inside Why You Cheated.

A 3-day online experience to help you make more sense of how you got here, ease some of the shame and guilt, and begin trusting yourself again.

21st, 22nd & 23rd September 5pm BST · 90 minutes each day £37 + VAT

🔗 Learn more about Why You Cheated

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