ep 42: How the pain of my affair led me to deeply connected love
Why is a podcast about healing after betrayal is called The Deeper Love Podcast.
In this episode, I'm answering that.
At my core, I believe the detonation that an affair brings to your life can absolutely become the portal to the deepest love of your life.
You don’t have to leave your husband, but you do have to be willing to face and heal the story that has been running your life, way before the affair happened.
How do I know? Because I lived it.
In the ep, I share the story of being three years old at my nan's house, and a traumatic moment in which my nervous system decided I don't matter. My feelings don't matter. I have to be okay. I have to be strong.
That belief ran my entire life. It made me the strong one, the together one, the woman who looked fine on the outside and was completely numb underneath. It chose the marriage I co-created. And eventually, it was the wound underneath the affair.
It was only because I was in so much pain after my affair that I did the work to heal in this story from the root, by meeting the frozen pain in my nervous system, that I began to start to be the woman who knows she matters. Who no longer puts everyone else’s feelings and needs before hers. Not because she’s selfish, but because she knows her value, and her worth.
And it’s from this place that I attracted the deepest love of my life, because he was a mirror to how I treated myself.
This is the episode I'd want every woman in the aftermath to hear. Because the affair doesn't have to be the end of love. It can be the beginning of the deepest, most connected love you've ever known, including with yourself.
In this episode, we explore:
Why this podcast is called The Deeper Love Podcast and what that name actually means
The shadow part that bursts up and out through an affair, and why burying it again creates more pain
Why every human has shadow parts, and why women who have affairs are treated like lepers for theirs
The childhood moment that imprinted "I don't matter" into my nervous system and ran my adult relationships
Why seeing your patterns isn't enough to change them
The difference between understanding a wound and meeting the part of you that's carrying it
How we co-create the marriages and relationships that fit our deepest wounds
Why leaving your marriage for your affair partner won't free you from the pattern
How meeting my own shadow opened me to the most connected love of my life
What it really means to take accountability without self-annihilation
If this episode landed
If you recognised yourself in the numbness, in the strong one who never let anyone see, in the part of you that's been screaming to be met.
If you've spent years understanding your patterns and you're still stuck inside them.
The Sanctuary is my private, ongoing community for women in the aftermath of an affair. If you’re feeling like a monster, and alone in your pain, The Sanctuary is the place where you can put some of that down.
You don't have to do this alone anymore.
Click here to discover more.
