ep 24 - What if your affair was a soul’s cry for more?
When we talk about affairs, the conversation almost always fixates on the affair itself - the morality of it, the damage it causes, and the question of who is to blame. But what if that narrow focus is actually preventing us from seeing something far deeper?
In this episode, I explore a truth that many women quietly recognise but rarely feel allowed to say out loud: that an affair is often not about desire, recklessness, or a lack of morals, but about long-term self-abandonment.
I share why so many women who cheat are not living “bad” lives, but numb ones. Lives that look good on the outside - functional, successful, even impressive - yet internally feel flat, lonely, and disconnected.
We talk about how self-abandonment is learned early in life, through being the good girl, the achiever, the easy one, the one who doesn’t ask for too much, and how these patterns live not just in our minds, but in our nervous systems and bodies.
This episode is an invitation to look beyond shame and self-hatred, and instead ask a different question: what was this moment trying to wake me up to?
Why affairs are often a symptom, not the root issue
How “having it all” can coexist with deep emotional numbness
The childhood origins of self-abandonment and the good-girl survival strategy
Why many women don’t realise how unhappy they are until everything blows up
How an affair can feel regulating to the nervous system
Why it wasn’t really about the affair partner
What it means to see an affair as an awakening rather than a life-ending mistake
Why changing your external life without inner healing often leads to repetition
How learning to stop abandoning yourself changes every relationship
Why healing requires more than insight, it requires the body
If you are willing to take responsibility without annihilating yourself, this moment can become the beginning of a very different way of living, one where love feels safer, deeper, and more intimate.
If you’re in the aftermath right now
If you’re carrying this alone, if the guilt feels unbearable, if you don’t know what comes next.
I created The Sanctuary for you.
It’s my private, ongoing space for women in the aftermath of an affair - a place to soften shame, reconnect with yourself, and begin healing without judgement.
You don’t have to do this on your own. Click here to learn more: The Sanctuary
