ep 09 – The Year of The Clusterf*ck and How I Finally Chose Myself

Content note: This episode contains references to sexual assault, harassment, and STI. Please listen with care and take the space you need.

I thought the hardest part was over when my marriage ended.

I’d told my husband I cheated. We’d tried therapy. We’d separated with kindness. I moved into my own place and thought: I’ve survived the worst of it.

But what came next was what I now call the year of the clusterfuck.

A year of red flags I ignored.

Boundaries crossed and crossed again.

Love bombing disguised as intimacy.

Freeze responses I didn’t understand.

And the deep shame of asking myself, over and over: Why am I still doing this? I should know better.

In this episode I share what really happens when you keep finding yourself in relationships that hurt, even after you’ve “done the work.” Why smart women repeat painful patterns. Why your gut isn’t always your truth. And how choosing celibacy at 39 broke the cycle for me, and opened the door to meeting Adam.

We’ll explore:

• Why “I should know better” keeps you stuck in shame

• The truth about boundaries (and why they only work with consequences)

• How freeze can show up long before a violation

• Why chemistry can actually be anxiety in disguise

• What it feels like in your body when safety arrives

• Why you’re not broken if you keep choosing the wrong men

If you’re in the aftermath of an affair, a divorce, or a breakup, and you keep getting pulled back into chaos, this one’s for you.

Because you’re not broken.

Your body just doesn’t know safety yet.

And that can change.

The Healed Heart - my 6-month group programme - is where we break the pattern at the root so you can choose love differently.

We begin Thursday 9 October.

Ten spots only. 

The Healed Heart