ep 52: How To Have The Difficult Conversations After An Affair (with Eve Stanway)
Nobody tells you how to have the conversations that come after an affair. The reveal is the biggest, followed by the questions that come after and the conversations that go round and round in circles and leave you both completely destroyed. The ones where you give every single detail, because you think that's what accountability looks like.
In this episode, I'm joined by Eve Stanway - psychotherapist, divorce coach, bestselling author, and one of the leading experts in difficult conversations. Eve has worked with couples, with men, with families - all navigating some of the hardest moments a relationship can go through. And she brings something to this conversation that I think is genuinely rare: real compassion for both people in the room, and a practical framework for how to actually navigate these conversations without destroying yourself or each other in the process.
We talk about what people get most wrong when they walk into the reveal conversation. Why the impulse to confess everything - to answer every question, share every detail - actually re-traumatises both people rather than helping. Why your needs and your partner's needs are in complete misalignment in those early conversations, and what to do about that. And Eve shares her five-step framework for structuring a difficult conversation - something I genuinely wish I'd had access to when I was in the middle of it.
We also get into the idea that affairs don't happen in relationships where there is healthy conflict, emotional intimacy, and both people are having their needs met. That the affair isn't the beginning of the problem. And that the invitation of all of this pain, if you're willing to accept it, is to finally start having the conversations that should have been happening all along.
This one is practical, honest, and full of things nobody else is saying out loud. I think you're going to want to listen to it more than once.
What people get most wrong when they walk into the reveal conversation
Why the impulse to confess everything re-traumatises both people, and what to do instead
Why your needs and your partner's needs are completely misaligned in those early conversations
Eve's five-step framework for structuring a difficult conversation, and how to use it even if you've already had the reveal
Why you don't have to answer every question there and then, and how to say that with care
Why affairs don't happen in deeply connected relationships, and what that means for both of you
The grief cycle and why both the person who cheated and the person who was cheated on are going through it
Why morality and affairs are not as connected as the world would have you believe
Website: evestanway.co.uk
Podcast: Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations that Change Everything
All socials: @evestanway
The Aftermath Survival Guide (free) — your first step if you're right in the middle of it: https://www.alexcroxford.com/free-resources
The Sanctuary — my private monthly community for women in the aftermath: alexcroxford.com/the-sanctuary
The Healed Heart™ — my six-month group programme for women ready to go to the root: https://www.alexcroxford.com/the-healed-heart
1:1 Coaching — fully personalised six-month work with me: click here to book a call https://www.alexcroxford.com/1-to-1-coaching
